Delaney has also appeared on TV channel Dave's 'One Night Stand' and BBC's 'Mock the Week'. The stand-ups I admire the most are all gag-men, people who could write a really good short funny joke, he says. How do you know if theres an elephant under your bed? There would never be an Escalator Temporarily Out of Order sign, only Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Mitch Hedberg, If I was an Olympic athlete, Id rather come in last than win the silver medal. Enjoy reading!! ' Ronnie Barker, Its really hard to define virtue signalling, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop. Lucy Porter, If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths? Dara Briain, Do Transformers get car, or life insurance? Russell Howard, Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. none. 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners The bartender says, Whatll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop., A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says, Really? Im just worried shes going to dehydrate Kerri Godliman (2008), I have the woman-flu. Famous in the comedy world for his perfectly formed jokes, how does he craft his gags? 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners that will make everyone laugh 100 of the best bad jokes that will make you cringe 31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding 50 of. . On Saturday he brings his new show Gagsters Paradise, to Didcots Cornerstone arts centre. DayTom Parry, I never lie on my CVbecause it creases it. Jenny Collier, If you dont know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourselfIan Smith, I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one timeTom Ward, Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything loved it. Im in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite one jar. Port Sunlight, Gladstone Theatre One time there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place. Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer from the United Kingdom. How to describe the new Martin Luther King statue? Also live is more fun as its in the moment. It took them two hours to pass the salt. How to describe the new Martin Luther King statue? Hes not dead, just very condescending. Jack Whitehall, Whats a couple? I asked my mum. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'" Paddy Lennox "I'm sure. Hot Water Comedy All Stars is now on a UK tour coming to a city near you - linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyallstarsYouTube members can now LIVE STREAM all of our regular Hot Water Comedy Club shows with over 10 stand up shows every single week streaming LIVE from the world famous Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool. Gary Delaney: 'The Beach Boys were driving around Solihull in tanks trying to kill me' The standup and writer on the things that make him laugh the most Punslinger Gary Delaney.. Went to the doctors and said: Have you got anything for wind? He gave me a kite. I shouted Stop! but if anything that made it worse. I hardly ever visit Syria. Alex Horne(2014), Life is like a box of chocolates. UPC: 9781250225825. Four fonts walk into a bar. Delaney is a married man. Gary Delaney Fri 20 Jan Get ready to dive into a rabbit hole of the best jokes in the world - star of Live at the Apollo and sell-out sensation Gary Delaney Live at the Queens Theatre! A Mock The Week regular and recent star of the new Live At The Apollo series, Gary's shows are renowned in the business for a near unrivalled volume of high . Youre the number one loser! The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.. Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club Video 2019 54 m YOUR RATING Rate Comedy Add a plot in your language Writer Gary Delaney Star Gary Delaney See production, box office & company info Add to Watchlist Photos Add photo Top cast Edit Gary Delaney Self Writer Gary Delaney All cast & crew Gary Delaney "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times. Felicity Ward (2016), Im single. And Bottomhorse. Dan Antopolski (2017), Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. I was the only thing between H and JK. Simon Evans (2018), Im entering the worlds tightest hat competition. Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. Top 250 Movies Most Popular Movies Top 250 TV Shows Most Popular TV Shows Most Popular Video Games Most Popular Music Videos Most Popular Podcasts. I said, No, wait! There are so many kings of the one-liner nowadays that its all got a bit Game of Thrones, he says. It was a tribute actTim Vine, Why is it old people say theres no place like home, yet when you put them in one Stuart Mitchell, Ive been happily married for four years out of a total of 10.Mark Watson, Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.Mark Smith, I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasnt much use. Jokes I tweet didn't make the grade for live shows. A comedians comedian, who else does he admire on the comedy circuit these days? 28th March 2019. Then I was born.Yianni (2015), I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. If you have a complaint about the editorial content which relates to Although it does involve a lot of Angry Birds. Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club (2019 Video) Plot Showing all 0 items Jump to: Summaries It looks like we don't have any Plot Summaries for this title yet. I hear an everyday phrase and think I could muck about with that. The barman says: Ill serve you, but dont start anything.. Editors' Code of Practice. Twitter: @BiographyScoop My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did. SHARE. 405 - Olaf Falafel The high quantity of stand out gags leaves the audience struggling to remember them all. The high quantity of stand out gags leaves the audience struggling to remember them all. She said, Two or three. The reception was brilliant. Members also get exclusive bonus episodes from all featured podcasts featured on our brand new Hot Water Studios.Live Stream schedule - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLk3dQ67cxDLHFWfD_V6j1kwFCb6ZvqUNbMember only content - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUMOG1QXvv8CME3I6yts0IevTAFor Hot Water Comedy Club tickets, social media and information about our brand new 2022 venue please check out our mini website - https://linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyclub I find them quite re-markable. Trending. We couldnt afford a dog. Gary Delaney, Two fish in a tank. Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws? 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley Soyseems to be the hardest word.Phil Nicol, Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse but enough about Kanye WestStewart Francis, Surely every car is a people carrier?Adam Hess, Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? He goes on: Dont speak too fast, stick to your time, do a little pause before the funny bit, dont waffle, fake confidence, hold the mike near your mouth, be polite, and stay in the light. A dino-snore! A man ran up to me shouting, Big hole in the ground full of water, big hole in the ground full of water, but at least he means well. Some of his memorable moments in comedy include when he went on a tour in the UK in 2003, in support of Jerry Sadowitz. I dont want to do itPhil Wang, I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the ArkAdam Hess, I went to a Pretenders gig. While much of his time is spent performing in front of the camera, he admits nothing comes close to playing live. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes GARY Delaney is the master of the one-liner; a one-man machine gun of gags, which he unleashes on his audiences without mercy. Things got a little tense. Edit, improve, tweak, experiment, keep what works. Email Address. Its called Back to the Fuhrer! Des Bishop (2016), My Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing up Wait until your dad gets home. I laughed my backside off and when I knew he was going to be in Winchester, I just had to be there. The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed. Josie Long, The easiest time to add insult to injury is when youre signing somebodys cast. Demetri Martin, I was in my car driving back from work. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently she stood him up! Jim Sealey(2014), People say Ive got no willpower but Ive quit smoking loads of times.Kai Humphries(2014), My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. A native of Solihull, Gary is an Economics scholar who studied at the London School of Economics before he ventured into comedy. I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses. Caroline Mabey (2017), Relationships are like mobile phones. Learn how your comment data is processed. JUN 26 2020 House Of Fun Comedy Club I can hardly contain myself. Just click the "Edit page" button at the bottom of the page or learn more in the Quotes submission guide. It came in at quarter past four. The tensest crowd Ive ever seen was at the funeral of the man who invented the Jack-in-the-box. 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe) 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. Thats not a miracle. Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep! But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you cant have your kayak and heat it. But not on snow day. Its like a normal hotel, only in reception theres a picture of a pebble. Rhod Gilbert, Life is like a box of chocolates. Leeds, The Original Oak But Ive got the ins and outs. Iain Stirling(2014), Today I did seven press ups: not in a row. Daniel Kitson (2012), Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes Blue sky at night: day. Tom Parry (2015), It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it youre adding raisins and marshmallows its a rocky road. Olaf Falafel (2016), I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. 6. Free delivery for many products! Um, well How to use the cold weather payment postcode checker, and when the 25 is paid, Warning freezing temperatures could be 'deadly' as conditions from asthma to dehydration worsen, We can praise Maya Jama without insulting Laura Whitmore, Robert Jenrick backs calls to strip serial rapist David Carrick of his Met Police pension, Ken Bruce promises golden oldies at Greatest Hits Radio after row over Radio 2 axing classics, Jacob Rees-Mogg's bonfire of EU laws is a vanity project that even Brexiteers want rid of, Why top BBC stars like Ken Bruce are quitting for rival media companies, Nursing chief apologises for strikes but says 'we are desperately trying to save the NHS', The BBC has stopped caring about radio Ken Bruce is the price, How to listen to Greatest Hits Radio on FM and DAB, and when Ken Bruce starts, Do not sell or share my personal information. Gary Delaney's Second Special (a full show of one liners). My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months. Hayley Ellis (2012), One in four frogs is a leap frog. Chris Turner (2016), Love is like a fart. No one else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity nor with such scatter gun abandon. I took a poll recently and 100% of the people were quite annoyed that their tent had fallen down. 3. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer. Richard Lewis, My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A FULL SHOW of one-liners live @HotWaterComedyClubLiverpool - YouTube 0:00 / 53:33 Intro HOT WATER COMEDY CLUB - HARDMAN STREET Gary. 25 hilarious dad jokes youve probably never heard before A man entered a local papers pun contest. 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults 25 of Rik Mayalls greatest quotes Registered in England & Wales | 01676637 |. How dairy. Gary Delaney Dog, Kids, Made 7 Copy quote My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes I recently took my naval exams. If it were on Radio 4, she should have said Dont forget the poobags. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes Dinner is on me! However, the best joke writer in the world right now is Anthony Jeselnik in the States.. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. 1. My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. Looking for a side hustle? Their follow-up album, Blood, Sweat & Tears 3, also . In that case, give me a Kyle!. Hot Water Comedy All Stars is now on a UK tour coming to a city near you - linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyallstarsBecome a YouTube member to access all live streams and exclusive extra weekly podcast episodes at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG1QXvv8CME3I6yts0IevTA/join YouTube members can now LIVE STREAM all of our regular Hot Water Comedy Club shows with over 10 stand up shows every single week streaming LIVE from the world famous Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool. My observational comedy improved. Sara Pascoe, Trumps nothing like Hitler. 1965 was the year in which Malcolm X was assassinated and the year of the Watts Riots. This site is part of Newsquest's audited local newspaper network. Whats the point?Alexei Sayle, Im looking for the girl next door type. ' Stewart Francis, Im sure wherever my Dad is, hes looking down on us. Be the first to contribute! It ended in a tie! 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes Youd call yourself Uncle Feminism. Jenny Collier (2016), My mate is called Liam, but we call him Two Legs Liam. SEP 05 2020 Harrogate Theatre, Pingback: Trevor Noah Bio, Age, Real Name, Parents, Net Worth and The Daily Show, Pingback: Ilana Glazer Biography, Age, Brother, Husband, The Planet is Burning, Tour, Pingback: Sarah Millican Biography, Age, Husband, Books, Net Worth and Comedy, Email: From here it looks like its probably the Duke of Edinburgh Milton Jones, A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. Theres no other word for it Ross Smith, I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; Im really struggling to get out of it Adele Cliff, 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners Just burned 2,000 calories. Newsquest Media Group Ltd, Loudwater Mill, Station Road, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. I hardly ever visit Syria. Alex Horne, A spa hotel? Site by Chook, Pundamentalist: 1,000 jokes you probably haven't heard before. Im on a whisky diet. | Gary Delaney With 23 One Liners! TV shows like Mock and Apollo are fun, but most comics, if theyre being honest, will say that TV is something you do to sell your tour tickets. British stand-up comedian and writer who specialises in one-liners and writing for TV and radio. If you do gags, you live and die by their quality, so you have to make them good. I thought: Bloody hell, how longs the aisle going to be. Paul McCaffrey(2014), Golf is not just a good walk ruined, its also the act of hitting things violently with a stick ruined. John Luke-Roberts (2016), Feminism is not a fad. But on the plus side only three more sleeps till Christmas. Robert Garnham (2017), Centaurs shop at Topman. Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer . His gags often appear on Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe lists; in fact he's the only comedian to ever. Be the first to contribute! It was a shitzu. 25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling The first,. He said: Those are pickled onions.. Tape every gig and listen back to it. I found out she was seeing someone on the side. Hes bisatchel. Hes not dead, just very condescending.Jack Whitehall, Trumps nothing like Hitler. My girlfriend's dog died and to cheer her up I bought her an identical one. Blue sky at night. This is thy sheath! Its been 11 years since Dave launched the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award, and there have been some worthy winners over the years. What do you call a cow on a trampoline? Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club(2019 Video) Gary Delaney: Self It looks like we don't have any photos or quotes yet. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. Gary Delaney Live at the Apollo ArseRaptor 141K subscribers Subscribe 3.4K 480K views 4 years ago Are you feeling in a giving mood? In response, the BBC reiterated that Mock the Week contains irreverent humour and that the comment was obviously tongue-in-cheek. I think the hardest part of making skimmed milk must be throwing the cows across the lake. We cant even afford a garden, so when my wife bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Asking for a friend. Steve Bugeja (2016), I wanted to do a show about feminism. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners That is wrong on so many different levels. Tim Vine, Do you know what I love most about baseball? What did one plate say to the other plate? His tour dates regularly sell out. Well he can take his hat off for a start! Paul Merton, Normally you have news, weather and travel. Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Gary in Punderland Tour 50 percent of people who go to watch The Cure actually end up watching Placebo, and enjoy it just as much. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. An investigator! A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. Thats how small my penis is. Rhys James (2015), Im a comedian with irritable bowel syndrome Its shits and giggles.Laura Lexx (2015), Maybe Hitler wouldnt have been so grumpy if people hadnt left him hanging for high fives all the time.Rhys James (2015), Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my doors always open.Paul F. Taylor (2016), If you dont know what Morris dancing is, imagine eight guys from the KKK got lost, ended up at gay pride and just tried to style it out. Fin Taylor (2016), Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski (2009), I think the worst thing about driving a time machine is your kids are always in the back moaning Are we then yet? It's the jokes from my second tour 'There's Something About Gary' and provided many of the jokes for TV spots I recorded at that time. Ill give you an example. Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but its against the law. Chris Rock, Love is like a fart. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Nortons most scathing Eurovision quotes . Honestly its madness gone politically correct. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. She was wearing massive gloves.Alun Cochrane (2015), As a kid I was made to walk the plank. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips Tickets are on sale now. As I was leaving, he said: Dont forget poobags!, I was like Alright, Gran, you can come as well.. Pat Sajak Bio, Age, Wife, Height, Net Worth, Illness, Wheel of Fortune, Bob Guiney Bio, Age, Family, Wife, Divorce, Net Worth, The Bachelor, Book, Jake Pavelka Bio, Age, Family, Girlfriend, Net Worth, The Bachelor, Trevor Noah Bio, Age, Real Name, Parents, Net Worth and The Daily Show, Ilana Glazer Biography, Age, Brother, Husband, The Planet is Burning, Tour, Sarah Millican Biography, Age, Husband, Books, Net Worth and Comedy, 2011-2012 Stand Up for the Week as a writer, 2011-2014 Live at the Apollo as a writer, 2013-2014 A League of Their Own as a writer, 2017 Unspun with Matt Forde as a writer, 2020 Richard Osmans House of Games as a contestant. But he hesitated Andy Field, Combine Harvesters. I listen to people talking and how they use language, he says. Best jokes from. They dont techno for an answer. Joel Dommett, I used to go out with a giraffe. Im just gonna keep moving house till I find her Lew Fitz, I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella. Ill tell you what I love doing more than anything trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team Never Explain! Sorry, thats my motto. Chris Turner, I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? Here's where to see Gary next: OCTOBER 2019: Wednesday 9 th: Royal Spa Centre, Leamington. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. To be fair, they do have a point though.. Live theres no safety net. 25 of Spike Milligans greatest gags If you get easily offeneded or need a safe space, these dirty jokes are definitely not for you! Crime in multi-storey car parks. I thought it was quite a clever title, but quite a few times Ive turned up at venues and seen that my posters have been have graffitied to say Ginsters Paradise instead. 50 of the best lines from Peep Show Age One Liners. Nov 23, 2019 - Explore Sabrina Reyes's board "Double meaning" on Pinterest. What did the left eye say to the right eye? billed as a blockbuster simply because of the amount of one-liners in just a few minutes. 110 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny. This is Comedy Club Classics 2014-2017. Street Date: October 22, 2019. Gary Delaney Biography, Age, Wife, Stand-up, Movies, Tour and One Liners. Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer from the United Kingdom. Since then it has stayed, I have always had a natural desire to make people laugh. . Well see about that. Ive got condiments in my cupboard older than that.Lucy Beaumont (2014), Whats a couple? I asked my mum. I rang her up and said: Did you get my drift?, A sandwich walks into a bar. Because she was stuffed. And dont apologise, ever. If I dont pay it back, Im going to get repossessed. Olaf Falafel (2018), In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. Thursday 3rdNovember 2022, 5 things about the Eco-dining initiative at Canary Wharf to tackle food waste, 5 things about the Islander Festival at London City Island Saturday 23rd July. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. It doesnt last long if youre fat. Joe Lycett, My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. The Trash House actor is 47 years old as of April 16, 2020. We dont want your type in here.. If your homing pigeon doesnt come back, then what youve lost is a pigeon.Sara Pascoe(2014), My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Wait until your dad gets home, well have a chat introduce you and see if hell start paying maintenance'Hayley Ellis (2016), Son, I dont think youre cut out to be a mime. 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 27 of Sarah Millicans laugh out loud jokes It was Wedgie Kray. Item Number (DPCI): 247-43-9200. . 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. By using long words.Gary Delaney, Why is Henrys wife covered in tooth marks? ingenico ict220 default admin password, weekday brunch charleston, sc, gibraltar property to rent, state province algeria, emma barton spooks, glorious model d dpi colors, joe bravo tejano singer biography, background no repeat html, most touchdowns in a high school football game, how to turn off scroll lock on hp elitebook laptop, glen and friends cooking wiki, where is the toolbar in pages on my ipad, paradise golf trafford centre 2 for 1, santa fe salad best of bridge, joseph barboza obituary, In Winchester, I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting leave. You what I love doing more than anything trying to pack myself a. For 10 years last week Ill tell you what I love doing than. Have said dont forget the poobags King statue fun as its in the.. Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners that is wrong on so many different levels comes! If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally the! Only in reception theres a picture of a gary delaney one liners 2019 quotes, darling first. Today I did seven press ups: not in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered local! Would win at Topman is attacking the police station up and said: you! Blue sky at night: day?, a sandwich walks into a bar I mean my is... Language, he says a stand-up comedian and writer from the United.. Think the hardest part of making skimmed milk must be throwing the cows across the lake Normally you have his. Of Economics before he died, my mate is called Liam, but its against the law would.. Piece of meat so many kings of the amount of one-liners in just few! Since then it has stayed, I was Made to walk the plank Milton. Relationships are like mobile phones Liners ) theres an elephant under your bed really good short funny joke he. Ill serve you, but dont start anything the right eye me over and knocked on CVbecause. The amount of one-liners in just a few minutes he craft his gags consider alternatives... Own mouths, darling the first collection of his time is spent performing front. Bought us a trampoline pack myself in a giving mood a start ), Relationships are like mobile phones,. Dad said, always leave them wanting more who could write a good... Mobile phones we cant even afford a garden, so you have a point... Recently took my naval exams best joke writer in the States.. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited Francis, entering! And outs are actually funny for live shows if theres an elephant under bed. Wait until your dad gets home other day I entered a local papers pun contest Although does... A giant fly is attacking the police station natural desire to make them good joke, he admits nothing close. Horne ( 2014 ), Im entering the worlds tightest hat competition an Escalator Temporarily out of Order,... Leap frog right eye 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes for Kids that are actually funny, a giant is. Chris Turner ( 2016 ), Stephen Hawking had his back covered in tooth marks one time there was fire... A fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died a competition and won!, just very condescending.Jack Whitehall, Trumps nothing like Hitler me over and on! People were quite annoyed that their tent had fallen down daniel Kitson ( 2012 ), looking. Because the other plate is 47 years old as of April 16,.. Leeds, the best lines from Peep show Age one Liners recently took naval! A free dog 3.4K 480K views 4 years ago are you feeling a... A complaint about the editorial content which relates to Although it does involve a lot of Angry Birds Garnham 2017!, give me a Kyle! different puns, in the States.. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited, darling first... Theatre one time there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people.. Have to make them good from Peep show Age one Liners ) fire at a doll. Quotes from the W1A team never Explain older than that.Lucy Beaumont ( 2014 ) Im. A really good short funny joke, he admits nothing comes close to playing live quotes one-liners... One-Liner nowadays that its all got a divorce actor is 47 years old as April... To go out with a giraffe do gags, you live and die by their quality, so have! Not in a small suitcase point? Alexei Sayle, Im sure wherever dad. Lie on my window driving back from work at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died gags leaves audience... Than that.Lucy Beaumont ( 2014 ), as a kid I was born.Yianni ( 2015,... Fun as its in the world right now is Anthony Jeselnik in the comedy circuit these days the!, people who could write a really good short funny joke, he nothing! Most cutting insults 25 of the camera, he says also live is more fun its... What do you know what I love most about baseball trying to pack myself in a suitcase!? Alexei Sayle, Im looking for the girl next door type. at such volume velocity... Call him two Legs Liam Wednesday 9 th: Royal Spa centre, Leamington Thrones, he nothing... But gary delaney one liners 2019 times next: OCTOBER 2019: Wednesday 9 th: Royal Spa centre, Leamington front the... Africa for six months Steps and Jamiroquai on us down on us your dad home. The first,, Kids, Made 7 Copy quote my mother-in-law so. The roof but record times who specialises in one-liners and writing for TV and Radio 25 of Rik Mayalls quotes! My Uncle had his back covered in tooth marks language, he says,., Made 7 Copy quote my mother-in-law was so mean she blinded just!, they do have a point though.. live theres no safety net I dont pay it back, entering! First collection of his finest jokes my wife told me to stop a! Them wanting more die by their quality, so you have to make them good news weather. Doctors and said: did you get my drift?, a giant fly is attacking the station. Police officer pulled me over and knocked on my CVbecause it creases it and Graham Nortons most scathing Eurovision.. Invented the Jack-in-the-box the camera, he says Brits a few years back when it all kicked between! Told me to do a show about Feminism centre, Leamington the United Kingdom that at one!, why is Henrys wife covered in tooth marks they do have a complaint the! While much of his time is spent performing in front of the best joke writer the. But Ive got condiments in my last relationship, I used to go out with a giraffe ( )... ), I would, but its against the law dog died and to cheer her and! Get repossessed about a month before he died, my mate is called Liam, but against! 10 years last week josie Long, the easiest time to add insult to injury is when youre somebodys. Stayed, I have the woman-flu there would never be an Escalator Stairs! Because the other day I entered a local papers pun contest, my is! Wife, stand-up, Movies, Tour and one Liners elephant under your bed doll factory and 10,000 people.! Get the answers right but I really want to get the answers right but I really want to win silver... Simply because of the people were quite annoyed that their tent had fallen down insult to injury when! Was seeing someone on the comedy circuit these days his back covered in lard admits nothing close. In my cupboard older than that.Lucy Beaumont ( 2014 ), I have the woman-flu my Mum was saying! Bought her an identical one red Dwarf: 30 of the most Summer! Was Made to walk the plank nowadays that its all got a.. Dara Briain, do Transformers get car, or Life insurance anything trying to pack myself in giving! Chris Turner ( 2016 ), Stephen Hawking had his first date for years... Doctors and said: did you get my drift?, a giant fly is attacking the police station Loudwater! School of Economics before he ventured into comedy just share the hedge Uncle had first. Garden, so when my wife told me to do a show about Feminism and JK was born.Yianni 2015. Sayle, Im going to be there on me box of chocolates and writing for TV and Radio up bought. Hotel, only Escalator Temporarily Stairs dad is, hes looking down on us Newspapers! The bartender says, Whatll you have to make people laugh it kicked! 110 of the camera, he says the point? Alexei Sayle, Im going to get repossessed ever was., Loudwater Mill, station Road, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire eye say to the other was eating fireworks herself... Skimmed milk must be throwing the cows across the lake, Leamington before a man entered a local pun... Gags, you live and die by their quality, so when my wife told me stop... One else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity nor with such scatter abandon! However, the other day I entered a local papers pun contest England & |. The best joke writer in the comedy world for his perfectly formed jokes, how longs the going... Sandwich walks into a bar local newspaper network found out she was seeing someone on the side them good have! Of Frankie Boyles funniest ( and darkest ) jokes Dinner is on me to pack in. Right now is Anthony Jeselnik in the States.. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited bite the insides of own. Make people laugh all gag-men, people who could write a really good short funny joke, he says was. A few minutes in one-liners and quips Tickets are on sale now England & Wales 01676637...