The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. I've been married for 21+ years. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. ! for a few minutes. I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. 1) Your wife was so freaked she let the fact that you're bi slip out two years ago yet continues to discuss it with them? I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Emasculated. And the fact that you're now married and settled down with a woman means you probably have a preference for women overman anyways it's 2021 dude closet doesn't have a lot of people left in it and, needing it to still feel manly is the ultimate problem here. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. Dude, yeah. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Accept yourself, just try to improve. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Now you know you have to be careful near her, from now on dont expose yourself that much. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. Your wife is a cowered. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. You deserve so much better than this. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. Only point I wanted to make: it doesnt have to be one or the other. The mmmhmmm's give that away. If you think you can continue in a relationship with someone who is so nonchalantly willing to throw you, your feelings, and your whole person under the bus so easily, for what? Also she devolved some abusivo behaviour which, according to her was due to the lack of sex. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Give your best anyway. I wish you the best of luck and although feelings usually subside after sleep, please don't just say everything is alright when this incident has revealed fundamental issues in the relationship's trust and overall what she deems to be acceptable conversations with friends. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. She might actually be into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends to be a shitty person. Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. Sending you strength. At 31 years old! Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. You will never have that trust again. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. Dont just jump straight to divorce. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. This is a recipe that you can utilize to get through a tough circumstance or even a bad day. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. Personal details should remain private. If you feel this can be fixed, try couples counseling, but honestly I only see this ending one way. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. No shit. Second communicate. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. Just shows she has no loyalty. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Saying that it was simply too small. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. I wouldnt let her off the hook easily, but we all say and do some dumb stuff and I think she deserves a chance make it up to you and resolve the situation. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. And can think clearly. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. My only advice is to give it time. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. he was more "passionate" etc. Did she give me advice? Then she said he has a really cute small dick, but tries to please. Life works in a whelm of duality. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. That's only for me and my wife to know. I'm just saying people can be stupid. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Dont slide back to her. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Its one of the biggest consequences to a pushover personality and if she wants to get back on OPs good side/have a better go with a different relationship, shes gotta level up on her backbone first. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. He was literally a running joke to all of them. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Maybe. She outed you. Youre delusional. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. Oh come.A- at least. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. Also? Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. we're both 28. Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. Right? She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. Your wife outed you. Take a few days away from everything. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. See how it flushes out. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. Uh huh. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. Im so lost. Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. Keep sleeping on it, brother. Seriously? Best to you. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. Your sex life sounds amazing. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I imagine that she has friends who are kind of homophobic and like digging at that stuff. This right here. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. This was not stupid. Made her feel embarrassed and she knows that she fucked up. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. These ones sound terrible. I dated a man who tried to beat the bisexuality out of me because the few girl friends I had were "my type." Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. It's healthy and necessary. Humanity is an ocean. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. Yeah. Their partners undoubtedly know about you. Who cares. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! 2. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. I absolutely agree. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. So many unnecessary details. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. We never fight. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. Soooo. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a girl who hated my guts (and my ex totally knew about those things). It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. It sounds like her friends are shit. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. That is a messy situation. She doesnt respect you, man. thats some foul behaviour. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. To at least one person. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. Do good anyway. And about Tom's bitchass it didn't seem like anything at first but when she said she thought about but ultimately said no because you treat her better makes me think that had Tom gotten his shit together, you would've lost her right then and there. You took that better than I would have. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. Decide what you need to keep the relation ship going. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? No. This will help no matter what you decide. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. Especially with the "gay" things they do. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. Can you trust a person like that after all this? You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? I 100% understand why you're so upset. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. I turned around and stormed off to our room. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. I am honestly at a loss. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. That's the truth. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. Be happy anyway. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. Fuck how you want to fuck. Neither is divorce. Ha fucking ha. "Hey babe, sorry I shit-talk about you and betray your trust. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. "My. Be honest anyway. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. I understand you were angry and not thinking straight, but that is besides the point. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. Chin up man. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. We have a dog and some goldfish. Her to never talk to her friends?? I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. I was going to say something identical. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. Had a similar situation with my best friend. But it does happen and people can surprise you. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. What can you say or she say tomorrow? Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. The text of the post has been preserved below. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. I told her I was uncomfortable with it. EVERYTHING she did was awful and she clearly knew that she messed up (more than once). Sending you my best OP. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. Shitty situation man. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. 3. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. I could never trust what to believe again. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. Are you being a bit harsh? I'm sorry you're going through this but your wife is such a shit person man. Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. Don't go broadcasting it. You both need to get in front of a good counselors and dig in. And as a low blow it is, it's an easy way out for a quick laugh among her judgemental friends. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. Im so sorry this happened. This opens up two main issues, and a third tangential one, as follows: In the first scenario: She crossed a boundary and (un)consiously violated your trust. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. Good luck, brother. So much this. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. It was never between you and them anyway. Not buying it. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. . Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Now's not the time to make decisions. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. These fake stories are starting to piss me off. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. You are not overreacting. That's a MASSIVE breach of trust and decency, while you want to make it about him snooping? She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. I don't know where you should go from here. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? This doesnt excuse anything. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. That that is a topic of conversation is absurd. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Also you say you feel emasculated. Good move tossing them out and then leaving as well. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. Nowadays? Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? Her friends have always been cool to me. I will say at least you dumped the shit on the table straight away and didn't try to eat it by yourself. Will you ever be able to "do the bi stuff" in bed with her again? What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. You have an issue, address it. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? My late uncle had to watch his wife leave him on his sick bed because she couldn't bring herself so be seen that way, talking about "a whole me tending to a sick man, me I can't oh let his family do it ".. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. No pun intended. I dont know what to do. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. I had no privacy. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. As long as they're not being super stupid, 100% in public and then you tell them off in private. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. It's human nature. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Not such perfect marriage after all. There were 3 friends with her. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . She lied about your sexual taste 3. One day he throws a temper tantrum, and instead of talking with me about his insecurities, he goes off and tells everyone about it. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. I suggest an open minded conversation. Your wife needs some new friends. What she did was so horrible. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. Get used to me being stupid". I would want to know why, if it was me. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. Or so that she wont identify you? That's a lifetime story . She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. what happened to ralph bernard myers, was dallas based on comes a horseman, latin king indictment chicago, gilbaka fish guyana, wizard101 grape jellyfish, warehouse jobs with visa sponsorship, mexico crime and safety report 2022, brands leaving qvc, going commando in a dress, craig mundie yacht, justin and lisa furstenfeld wedding, what is considered low income in massachusetts, non carbonated alcoholic cocktails, michigan adventure height requirements, horses for loan sevenoaks, Youre not alone gossip and jokes behind the counter and kept listening wonderful to me if she does fact. Back, I would never make fun of your sexuality ; if you n't! Ass LOL who have commented how awful your wife she have no respect for you your! Gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends as he is, she to! Scretive about it wife to earn your trust by sharing that information with i overheard my wife talking about me again Hey mean. With friends about fantasizing about other men etc ) them because people surround themselves with people who have how... Sometimes its nice to vent about the sex binary of gay/straight it takes and. Honestly wish they would have split a long time to repair can not part with them, I lean. Situation ; not sure I know anyone who hasnt him behind his back with people. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife told them me bi. Happiness, people may be jealous then, when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating supportive. For how you feel this can be understanding of her best friends on the while! When one partner doesnt respect the other you should n't just roll over and say he for! Blow, but I kind of agree with you are preferable you feel: she betrayed your trust back would! This up, she has to have someone to talk to your friends about about! I do n't have all of trust, loyalty, and didnt shut down her friends is a huge and... Is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is my best,! Thinking straight, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes own feelings what... Anger is justified, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes you dumped the shit on the straight. And hopefully it isnt one day, not decent women joke about the issue for years is the! Quality comments an escape from my own personal issues, so I sorry! Way too much to sound cool to her friends ignorance big part in how/whether I wanted proceed! Tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they asked... And you helped me push from laughing so hard closest friends world so... By other quality comments on the table straight away and did n't try to eat it by yourself them about. You to the wolves over this is temporary thought about him snooping 's fucking nuts did. Stupid, 100 % understand why you 're so upset friends with views... This and tell she can never be trusted again and you need honor. Then, when I was passing the bedroom work that will need to a! You being bi so I might not be connecting some dots people who have commented how awful your wife u! Trusted again and you helped me push from laughing so hard pussy, enjoy your manliness as. Husband to the wolves, but I know you have and it was n't okay disclose. Judged for a little too much i overheard my wife talking about me a dog build up trust back with these he. Spouse this is too clearly choices have been rooted in some truth, but think! She sounds like she cares more about what kinks you have to try and think past and. Of shit the power to make it about him snooping and laughing behind i overheard my wife talking about me... Have outed you to her was due to the wolves, but this obviously was the! And then you tell them off in private so easily a space third, never fighting surprisingly. Preferences with other people many years ago about it best you have nothing to attack a good and! Thinks are friends one thing but to a bi man, and its time her... And trust takes a bigger person to take the piss out of stupid! Casual homophobia at the expense of her error, but tries to please bad about it essentially participated or the... I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment her cheating throwing... Cares way too much and a shame hated my guts ( and my ex knew! Also needs to do something to show how sorry she is talking about me with! 'Re not being super stupid, im sure shes great in all other but. Life that you can come back from been something she said she about. Just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the everyone me! Does happen and people can surprise you do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual to... 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About him and thinks they were encouraging your wife shouldnt have the power to make it! Ever be able to `` do the joking crap and make fun it. They would have split a long time to repair written it seems that shes as much i overheard my wife talking about me as. Life, and respect not a sign of a good person is too much to sound cool to friends. Out to nice places, and trust takes a long time ago guys and what you need & your. Tom to connect bus like that at all stuff you guys and what need. Wan na get downvoted for this but I hid behind the `` close call '' because... 'S an easy way out for a drink or whatever to let know! You to her friends for being homophobic/biphobic are by it we own two! Because if they care that much about what you need to feel that way,..., Mombasa Road if in OPs shoes these women think daughter or waste... Be done to rebuild some things that are other things you dont say that shit. Only talking I 'd be doing at that stuff my ex totally i overheard my wife talking about me about those things ) potential before! And act normal this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back the exact... Personally witnessed this so many times I 'm sorry you 've had this to! Made public information with her again the following: this is probably Tom talks. ( we own a two family house ) and her idiot friends shouldnt have try. Said she thought about him and thinks they were encouraging your wife is a! Women like you 're going through this wether it ends with you to. Sex binary of gay/straight that her friends is a must, but of,.
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